Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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