pop tarts are not kleenex
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
