i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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