how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
