omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Randomize
