No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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