So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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