I like to think it a success when the cops are called
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
