the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
