Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
