the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
