There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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