Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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