that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
What a dumb baby whore.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
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