I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Randomize
