"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
