I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
we made out on top of his cat.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Randomize
