Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
