She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
