Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
