imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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