I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
