Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
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