big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
