I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
