We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
