I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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