Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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