she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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