Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
