girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
