good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
The Olympian is in my bed
Randomize
