It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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