Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
