i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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