How'd it feel making her break her religion?
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
