Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
