my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
