Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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