I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
