how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
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