well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
