she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
