it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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