She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
