She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
