Dual....:-)
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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