dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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