Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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