Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
