I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
He shit in the fireplace
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