I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
